Gone
by TheRealRogue
Summary: How far would Remy go to save Rogue's life? ROMY The story goes backwards.
1. Sept 1st: But never forgets what I lost

Hi! Ok, not everything was going to be rainbows and butterflies in my Romy fics; nope. I gotta say I'm really excited about this fic; It popped up inside my head about a month ago, while I was still writing "Friday Night", and now I can finally start to write it. Please gimme your reviews!! I need them so bad!!! Remember I'm still learning English. (P.S.: I don't own any of the song I use in this fic; yeah, what a shock. This time, we'll go with a little bit of Green Day).

Chapter 1: But never forgets what I lost.

September 1st, 2007.

"It's still rainin'; Gawd, when is it gonna stop?"…

…_here comes the rain again  
falling from the stars…_

"Is it gonna rain forever?"...  
_…drenched in my pain again  
becoming who we are..._

"Ah'm so cold"…

(…)

"Ah'm still on mah bed, an' Ah do nothin' but starin' at the ceiling. Ah wonder what time is it; maybe 9 or 10 am. All Ah know is that Ah've been like this since before dawn. Ah felt like the night's darkness and the coldness were oppressin' me, an' Ah desperately wanted the sun to arrive, but now that it did, Ah feel pretty much the same. Sometimes Ah imagine that the bed an' the sheets swallow me, an' Ah can finally stop thinkin'; 'cause Ah don' wanna think, Ah don' wanna move, Ah just wanna… yeah, what do Ah really want? To die, to never have been born? Nah, maybe what Ah'd like to do is to turn back time; not fo' too long, only, let's say, a month. Ah picture in mah head that Ah'm actually doin' it, other times, an' then Ah can change all this.

Ah like it when Ah'm able to cry; sometimes Ah can't, 'cause Ah find mahself like Ah have no strength for it. But when Ah can, it's weird, but Ah feel a little bit relieved. Ah was doin' it a while ago, so my ears are still wet; but Ah'm calmed now. An' Ah decide to close mah eyes, an' to put both of mah hands on mah chest, an' then Ah can feel the "bum bum, bum bum, bum bum"…

What should Ah do now? Should Ah get up? What fo', anyway? Ah'm still gonna stay here in mah bedroom, 'cause Ah don' wanna see anyone; Ah don' wanna feel on me their pity gazes. Ah know they only wanna help an' be nice, but Ah just can't stand it. Yeah, Ah'm just gonna stay here. Now that Ah'm sittin', Ah can see the clock: it's 8:55 am; it's really crazy the way time goes by so slow now.

…_Summer has come and passed, _

_t__he innocent can never last, _

_Wake me up when September ends…_

…

Ah heard a knock on the door a while ago, an' when Ah noticed it, it was like Ah was slept with eyes open, an' suddenly waked up.

"Rogue? Can I come in?", Ah heard on the other side of the door, but Ah didn't answer, 'cause Ah knew she'd come in anyway. It was Jean. She usually comes at that hour, an' though it kinda bugs me that she don' seem to have anythin' better to do every damn mornin', deep inside Ah appreciate it. "Hello, good morning, how do you feel?", she asked; even though it's early in the mornin', she looks like she already spent two hours dressin' and combin' her hair and puttin' her make up on, like someone's gonna take photos of her for Cosmopolitan's cover. It always reminds me of the way we tend to forget things that are really important in life, the things that actually worth our time, our interest, an' we trade them for superficial things that we think are gonna make us feel better 'bout ourselves. To her question, Ah only nodded.

"Really?" she murmured, looking at me from head to feet, lying on the bed like some lifeless thing. "See, I brought you some breakfast: it's a sandwich, an apple, and orange juice, ok?"; she putted it on the little table next to mah bed. "I'm sorry I didn't prepare anything better, but I'm in a hurry right now"; they're gonna get marry, Jean an' Scott, an' they're preparin' everythin' for the wedding an' stuff. Then, she sat on the bed next to me; she had that worried look on her eyes Ah already know very well.

"Did you take your pill already? No? Ok, I'm going to put it right here, next to the juice, and please don't forget about it. It's true that now that you… absorbed Logan, you healed completely, but only on your body. Rogue, I'm so concern about the way you feel, the way your mind is. I know you don't like us to, but I am; why don't you try therapy with the professor again? Or with me; I'm totally up to it, you know that". Why? 'Cause it wasn't helpin' me one bit. But Ah just answered:

"Ah didn't want to absorb him".

"You needed it to heal, Rogue. You know it was himself who insisted on it, and...".

"Thanks for the food" Ah interrupted her; Ah had had enough chat for one day. She sighed.

"Well, if you need anything, just let us know, ok?". This time she didn't tell me for the nth time to go out the house, which really surprised me; then, she left. Maybe she was gonna choose the flowers for her bouquet, the table-clothes colours, or the type of wine they're gonna have.

It's midday now; time has gone by so slow that Ah'm seriously considerin' to throw away that damn clock. Ah ate half of the sandwich; maybe Ah'll go to the kitchen at night, to get some cereal or somethin'. The pill, Ah haven' taken it yet; it's supposed to make me feel more relaxed, an' it does, but when Ah take two or three Ah fall asleep immediately. It's still right there, next to the glass. Now, should Ah take one, an' stay the rest of the afternoon the same way Ah spent this crappy morning? Or should Ah get two, an' finally stop thinkin', at least for a while? Mmm, hard choice. In the drawer; the rest of the pills are here in the drawer. Aha! Here yah're. But then, Ah don' wanna go to sleep right away; not without lookin' at it again. Ah pass a hand under mah pillow, an' there it is: the queen of hearts card he gave me. It has no wrinkles. It's still intact, just like time hasn't passed by since that day. Is this all what's left of us, this piece o' paper?... No, no, no; don' be stupid Rogue. Yah know yah'll always love him, an' that's gonna stay with yah forever. Forever… that's such a big word; Ah feel like Ah can't handle it; it seems so far away, so infinite. It overwhelms me, Ah can't… Ah'll just take the damn pills; yeah, three of them…

Once they're in, Ah lie on mah bed again. Ah feel kinda dizzy…".

…_A__s my memory rests  
but never forgets what I lost  
wake me up when September ends…"._


	2. Aug 14th: It wasn't fake, it happened

Chapter 2: It wasn't fake; it happened.

August 14th, 2007.

There were three people inside a room, watching a small tv screen; none of them had said a word for a while, 'cause neither of them knew exactly what to say, or what to do. Storm, sitting right in front of the screen, wasn't looking like she was actually watching it, but more like she was lost in her thoughts, and her eyes had the glitter of restrained tears. Hank McCoy, on Storm's side, had just taken off his eyeglasses and was massaging his forehead with both hands, watching the screen through his fingers. And Logan, resting his back against a wall behind the other two mutants, was just finishing his third beer and beginning his second cigar for the last ten minutes. He threw the can to the trash basket, causing it to loose balance and fall, pouring all its content (papers and two other beer cans) on the floor. Then, he cursed, and started to walk back and forth across the room.

"My friend, loosing calm will not help in any way" said the Beast, putting his eye glasses back on.

"She's the one that's gonna loose her mind if she goes on this way; look at her! She's been like this for hours while we just sit and watch".

"I tried to talk to her, Logan" the Doctor pointed out, "but you know she cannot even be coherent; she didn't listen one single of the words I said, and, I must admit, I completely understand it. How did you expect she would react to this?".

"She wasn't supposed to know it, damn it!". The silence came back, and they looked at the tv again: a white room, illuminated by white lights, and in the middle, a bed with white sheets; there was a person lying on it: Rogue. Her pyjamas were white too, and she was on fetal position, crying, and crying, and crying. Her hair was all messed up, and from time to time, she scratched her nails on the bed.

"This is all my fault" Storm finally spoke, her eyes still lost on the screen.

"It's not your fault that she heard us talking; how would you know she would be awake so fast?" Hank said, and then sighed. "Blaming ourselves will not help either".

"What's gonna help then?" the Canadian spat out.

"I'm going to talk to her" said Storm, and stood up.

"I don't think so, Stormy. Sorry to say, but you're the last person she'd want to see; you know, "kill the mailman". I'm going".

"She will not listen to you" Hank alleged, but Logan was already on his way.

(…)

Rogue closed her eyes, 'cause they itched a lot, and the room's intense lights weren't helping.

_…I wish that I could _

_See you again, _

_I know that I can't…_

Her mind was burning too:

"Why? Why? Why, Remy?" she repeated over and over again inside her head. "This is insane, Ah don't understand… Ah'm here, Ah'm awake… why aren't yah? Why do yah do this to me?"…

…_I had my wake up__  
__won´t you wake up?  
I keep asking why__…_

She then rolled on the bed, feeling pain all over her body; but it wasn't physical pain, it was like all of her being was about to explode. She needed to run, to go away from all of it; lifting her head, Rogue, looked at the med bay's balcony. She wasn't really controlling her body when she stood up, ran barefoot towards it and opened the door. It was such a cold night out there, and she felt like nothing mattered in the whole world, like this was the end for her. She put her hands on the fence, and looked down: three floors, not too high, but she thought that no pain in the universe could be compared with the one she was feeling already, so it wouldn't hurt too much.

"Ah… don't wanna… be here" she murmured, breathing heavily. "Ah don't understand… Ah… Remy…"

…_and I can't take it, _

_It wasn't fake, _

_It happened, _

_y__ou passed by…_

An enormous feeling of getting rid of herself overwhelmed her, so she lifted a knee and rested it over the fence.

"Whoa, whoa, kid! Where do you think you're going?" she heard Logan's voice, and his arms were immediately wrapped around her, pulling her back. Her brain was so far away from reality, that she felt the need to fight back only when she realized she was in the white room again.

"Leave me alone!" she shrieked, and tried to set herself free from Logan, but he wouldn't let her.

"You gotta calm down for a moment! Listen…."

"Ah hate yah! Ah hate yah all!" she burst out, while punching him on his chest with all her strength. "Ah hate yah all, yah damn idiots! This is all your damn fault! Fighting fo' peace, an' for human's sake! Humans can go to hell, an' yah too! Ah don't give a damn 'bout this anymore, an'…" and then she exploded in cry, falling down the floor, held by Logan's arms. He didn't know what to say, 'cause he knew she was right about it: the whole mutant-humans fight, ruining their lives, as usual. He only sat on the floor by her side, holding her. They spent a few minutes like that, one of his hands on the back part of her neck, as she catched her breathe back again.

"Ah don't understand this, Logan, this can't be truth", she whispered.

He knew he wasn't the best person to call when it came to comfort people, but he decided he should try his best.

"It is, kid, I'm sorry… But you have to get over this, not today, I get it, but you have to live, 'kay? Look at me" he grabbed her face with both of his hands, and put it in front of his. "Look at me: don't do anything stupid, Rogue. You can cry if you need it, you can feel as bad as possible, but don't hurt yourself, 'kay?... 'kay?" he repeated, and she nodded. Then, she started to cry again, and hid her face on his chest.

"Why?... Ah love him… Ah want him back, Logan… Ah…".

…_Now your gone, now your__ gone  
There you go, there you go,  
Somewhere I can´t bring you back…_

"Ah can't take this garbage… this is not right, yah know? This is not happening…".

"It's happening, kid"

"No… Ah love him…"

…_Now your gone, now your gone  
There you go, there you go,  
Somewhere you're not coming back…_

Then, the Canadian had to admit something he never thought he would:

"Yeah; he loved you too".

Rogue continued crying for what seemed uncountable minutes, and she finally fell asleep, on Logan's lap.

… _The day you slipped away__  
was the day I found_

_it won´t be the sam__e, no…_

Note: as you can see, I used Avril Lavigne's song, "Slipped away". What do you guys think about this chapter? Did you expect something like this after chapter 1, or did I achieve to surprise you?. Tell me, please! Thanks for reading, I'll be updating soon :-)


	3. Aug 12th: How could this happen to me?

Chapter 3: How could this happen to me?

August 12th, 2007

…_I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded_

_by the white light…_

"Yeah, Ah open mah eyes; where am Ah?..."

…_I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight…_

"The med bay; what am Ah…? Oh… yeah, Ah remember now. That stupid idea of Logan; Ah wonder if it worked…"; she looked underneath her pyjama's t-shirt. "Wow, the scar is gone; pretty amazing. An' yeah, Ah feel way better now. Ah can move, Ah can… sit; maybe it wasn't such a stupid idea after all, 'cause otherwise, it'd have meant me, being on this bed fo' weeks. Gawd, this is so weird; Ah still don't get used to the idea of havin' somebody else's heart beatin' right inside o' me. It's… yeah, weird.

An' Remy… last time Ah had a flu, he spent all the time bringin' me lemonades an' tissues, an' makin' fun o' mah red nose, but Ah haven' seen him, either at the hospital or here. Ah don't wanna, but Ah'm worried; they try to hide it, but Ah see strange looks in their faces every time Ah ask fo' him; they say he got kinda hurt too, but that he'll be fine. Ah wanna believe it… Ah wanna see him, and tell him that Ah'm fine now, that Ah'm gonna be ok, an' Ah wanna kiss every single one of his bruises, an' tell him that he's gonna be ok too. Heck, what the hell am Ah waitin' fo', then?" Rogue got up the bed to the cold white floor. "Ah hadn't felt so good for a while. What time is it? It don't matter, Ah'm outta here". She walked towards the door, but stopped an inch from it. She heard voices talking on the other side:

"…But there must be a way we can tell her in some subtle way…". She could recognize Scott's voice. Tell her what?

"Subtle? Subtle?! There's no subtle way we can do that, we just can't, it's just like insane, you know?" Kitty interrupted.

"She is going to find out sooner or later, one way or another" he shot back. "Not only the people living in this house know what happened, you know that. Any of them could tell her, only to hurt her, so, I'm sure it's better if she hears it from us". There was silence then. With each word they said, she grew up more and more in confusion. She pushed the door a little bit in order to hear more, but no one seemed to notice it. "What're they talkin' 'bout? What could be so bad?" she thought, shivering, and trying so hard not to get any kind of own conclusions.

…_Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound_

_but no one hears me…_

"But… but…" Kitty didn't seem to be able to utter anything; she was almost crying, and was interrupted by Storm.

"I'm sorry to say, Kitty, but he's right".

"But how's she gonna feel? How would you feel, Scott, if you knew Jean died for you, ah?". Rogue felt like the room started to spin around her.

…_I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again…_

She had so many questions inside her head, but she couldn't really focus on one, like they were all exploding. "What… what… How…?" she could only whisper. Scott spoke again:

"It's going to be on us to help her get over it…".

"Even though we don't like it, I think we are on the obligation to tell her. But, who will do it?", asked Hank. Nobody spoke for a few moments; Rogue's heart was beating so fast that she could hear it and feel it without even putting her hands on her chest, but she didn't care, she didn't even give it a thought.

"I think I can do it; after all, it was me who talked you all into this" Storm's voice was heard again. "I wish we had another choice, but…". Rogue couldn't handle it anymore, so she stepped into the room.

"What… the hell are yah talkin' 'bout?" she burst out, facing the other mutants; they all froze, and Kitty was trembling, with an expression of horror on her face:

"Rogue, I… we didn't mean, like, you know…"

"'kay, Ah'm waitin'; who's gonna be the first to talk?".

"Why don't you leave us alone?" asked Storm, staring at her friends; she was breathing heavily, something really out of the ordinary on a woman that was always composed. They didn't say anything, but just before closing the door, Rogue saw tears on Kitty's eyes. She wanted to have misunderstood, and then Storm will make everything clear: "Yeah, calm down, gal. Take it easy" she told herself, and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Why don't we seat?" Storm asked.

"Ah'm 'kay".

"Yes, of course you are. Are you feeling good?"

"Ah was, a moment ago. What's going on, Storm? Tell me" she was trying so hard to restrain her tears, but she couldn't do it anymore. "What? What, what is it? Why do yah look at me like that? Tell me! What happened to Remy?! TELL ME!" she shrieked, while shaking Storm by her shoulders.

"Rogue… really, sit down please". Letting her shoulders go, Rogue did as she was asked.

"'kay, Ah'm sittin' now"; her stomach felt like she was going downwards on a rollercoaster.

Storm moved her chair next to Rogue's; then sighed, and began to speak.

"I… don't know how to put this". There was silence again, as Storm was looking at Rogue's eyes with begging ones. "You can't see Remy again". Rogue furrowed:

"Where is he?" she murmured, but inside her mind, she was repeating over and over "This is not happenin', Ah'm wrong, she's wrong, everybody's wrong…"· Seeing Rogue's confused expression, Storm decided she had to said the words she didn't want to; she had wanted to say it differently, but there was no way. She started to speak again, and while she was doing it, Rogue didn't even blinked; she stayed like anaesthetized, looking at empty space.

…_How could this happen to me?  
I've made my mistakes,  
got nowhere to run  
The night goes on as I'm fading away…_

Storm finished speaking, and then, Rogue couldn't understand, she just couldn't figure out what she had just heard…

"I'm sorry…" Storm tried to hug her, but Rogue pushed her and stood up, and covered her face with her hands. She felt like she couldn't breathe, like she was drowning and though she tried to swim to the surface, there was no possible way out. Her legs failed, and with a scream of pain, she fell to the floor.

…_I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream,  
How could this happen to me?…_

Note: That was Simple Plan's "How could this happen to me?". Yeah, all the sad songs seem to be joining this fic, and there's more to come!! Please, gimme your reviews!! I'm begging! When I get no reviews, I just sit down and listen to sad songs all day long. __


	4. Aug 6th: When you're gone

Chapter 4: When you're gone.

August 6th, 2007.

"Make space, make some space!"

"Step away…"

"Bring her here…"

"… and I need 10 mg from that blue bottle, Kitty, fast!"

_"… And the days feel like years _

_when I'm alone, _

_and the bed where you lied_

_Is made up on your side…"_

There was a white stretcher in the middle of the whole chaos: people running to every direction, all of them talking at the same time, all of them trying to help. Remy carefully deposited Rogue's body on the white sheet, which was immediately stained with blood, coming from her chest. He was pushed away by Dr. Hank, who started to attach electrodes on her, stick tubes inside her nose and mouth, pinch her arms with needles, and do other numerous things that Remy saw like in slow motion. He was right behind Beast now, and he couldn't see blood from there; only Rogue's closed eyes, a small scar on her right cheek, her auburn hair and white stripes all messed up.

"I need more space, Remy!" the Doctor yelled.

"Is she gonna be 'kay?" he uttered, moving aside.

"We are going to the hospital" he only answered, never lifting his eyes from Rogue and the machines that were now monitoring her heart beat: "bip, bip, bip…".

"Bien, but ya gotta fix her, homme!"

Hank didn't answer this time. Remy decided he couldn't just stay there and stare, so he ran towards the Black Bird's control cabin. Scott, whose forehead was all covered with sweat, was the only one there, leading the plane.

"Ya better hurry up dis time, Summers!" Remy spat out. He would have wanted to take the controls away from Cyclop's hands, and drive the damn machine as fast as possible, but he knew that the X-Men leader was the best pilot they had.

"I'm on it, I'm on it. We'll be there in… a couple of minutes" he said, trying to look calmed.

Remy didn't know what to do: to stay there, or to go back where Rogue was; his heart was beating like crazy.

"Come on, chere, ya can't do dis right now… come on, come on… ya're gonna be fine. Ya just wanna scare dis stupid Cajun, right? Bien, but it's not funny anymore… Come on…".

As Scott predicted, two or three minutes later, the Black Bird was landing on the Hospital's roof. The two men got out the cabin, but the rest of the people had taken Rogue outside the plane already. There were nurses around her, and they were rapidly transporting her inside the building. Remy started to run desperately after her, pushing people away from his way.

"Come on, chere… come on…"

"…_When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take__,  
Do you see how much I need you right now?..."_

He was finally by her side, just when they enter an elevator.

"You can't be here!".

"I gotta be here, I can't leave her!" he screamed, like a lunatic: his clothes were covered with blood too.

"Just leave him, it doesn't matter, just call Dr. Smith and…" Hank was there, luckily, so Remy could stay in the elevator. Before the door was closed, he saw Storm, Kitty, Jean, Scott, and other people, running, on the other side.

"Logan! Why the hell the damn Wolverine isn't here? He could save her" Remy thought. Then, he looked back at Rogue: everyone was so busy, working on the tubes and needles… he couldn't even hold her hand, or kiss her forehead. "Bip, bip, bip…"

"Come on chere… please… Mon Dieu, plese…".

The elevator finally stopped, and everyone ran out, carrying Rogue's inert body on the stretcher. They didn't let him in this time, so he could only watch through the door's glass, his hands on it, trying to push it, trying to be close to her.

"Dieu, please, I beg ya… don't take her away from me, she's de only thing I've got… please, I'd do anything…" tears started to pour down his cheeks, while they took away Rogue's clothes.

"…_And the clothes you left  
they lie on the floor  
And they smell just like you,  
I love the things that you do…"_

"Come on, chere… don't do dis…". He felt like his soul was being ripped out, and tortured, and then thrown down some dark hole.

"Please chere…" He could hear the "bip, bip, bip…" from out there… But then it became a long, uninterrupted "bip…". Remy didn't even think what he was doing when he stepped inside the room. Everyone was moving fast, bringing machines, cables, medicines. He grabbed Hank by his shirt, and shook him:

"What de hell ya be doin'?"

"Gambit, the bullet is in her heart. We can try to resuscitate her, but…"

"But what?!" The Beast lowed his eyes.

"I don't think it's going to work. We would need to make a surgery on her…"

"Well do it! Just do it, damn it"

"A new heart, Remy. We would need to put a new heart on her. But we don't have one in the hospital bank… I'm sorry". As Remy stayed paralyzed, Hank set himself free and went closer to Rogue. People weren't running too much anymore. A nurse stared at Remy, and then looked away, hiding the tears on her eyes.

He wasn't really thinking. He just ran outside the room, looking around like he lost his mind.

"Rogue, Rogue, chere…"

There was a security guard a few meters from him. It was an impulse, like an instinct, what made Remy run towards the man, knock him down, and took away his gun. He started to cry like he had never done it before, 'cause he never cried, but this woman, Rogue, had totally changed his life. She was everything.

"Ya're everything, chere…". He stepped inside the room again. The only sound inside there was the long "bip…".

"Remy, you need to calm down. I'm so sorry but…"

"Make the surgery" Remy uttered.

"We would like to, but…" The Cajun was falling down to pieces. He told himself that he needed to do it fast; every second counted for Rogue.

"…_We were made for each other__,  
Out here forever  
I know we were…"_

"Ya do have a heart" he said, pointing the gun to his own head. Two nurses screamed, and everybody froze, even Hank.

"My friend, please…" he could only say.

"Just tell her that I love her… so much"

"…_And all I ever wanted_

_was for you to know…"_

"Remy, don't do this, it's not your fault that she got shot, please…". He didn't care; he had made his choice already.

_"…everything I do _

_I give my heart and soul…"_

"Man, calm down!" he heard someone's voice. But he closed his eyes, and pictured her face inside his mind: smiling, or maybe mad at him, or just joking. He felt fear for a second…

_"… I can hardly breathe,_

_I need to feel you here, _

_with me…"_

…But he paid no attention to it. With Rogue's face and voice on his mind, he pulled the trigger.

_"…when you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart_

_Are missing you…"_

Note: Wow… my heart is seriously beating fast right now. That was really intense to write. PLEASE REVIEW!! I'll cry like a child if you don't. And for those of you who think I got inspiration from Dark Angel's first season finale to write this fic… well, you're completely right! I didn't want to say it before, not to make any spoilers. But there you are. Ah! The story is not over yet, ok? And oh, that was Avril Lavigne's "When you're gone".

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	5. Aug 5th: I don't wanna miss a thing

Chapter 5: I don't want to miss a thing.

August 5th, 2007.

"Ah don't know if Ah can do it again… Gawd", Rogue sighed. She didn't want to lo look into his eyes, 'cause she was scared she could fail; she could suddenly not being able to control it, and then… hurt him. But he held her gloved hands and sat closer to her.

"I believe ya can do it, chere, so why wouldn't ya?" she decided to meet his red on black eyes; she liked them so much. She told herself she shouldn't let them distract her from reality, and the reality was that they had spent the last eight or nine days trying to see if the things that the Professor was doing with her brain were actually helping her to control her power. The day before, she was able to touch Remy's chin with the tip of her fingers for a few seconds, but then, they both felt that "it" was about to happen, and she let him go. And now, there they were again, in her bedroom, fighting a war she sometimes thought was impossible to win.

"Just close tes yeux, 'kay? An' do as he told ya: focus not in absorbin', but more like in lettin' go". She did as he asked, and also started to control her breathe: slow, calmed. He was so close to her, that he could feel on his face the air she exhaled, and almost distinguish each one of her eye lashes, and the tiny vibration of her pupils behind her eyelids.

"So much peace, and silence…" she murmured. He started to come closer to her; he wasn't afraid, 'cause he only wanted to show her that she could do it, that she could stop feeling like some life-sucking monster. He closed his eyes too, and then, without looking, he knew the next movement would make their skins come together. And he did it. He felt her nose on his, and then softly kissed her lips… they stayed just like that, just feeling each other's skins.

"…_I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,  
I could stay lost in this moment forever.  
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure…"_

Then, she shivered, like she had just realized of what was happening, and separated her face from his.

"Are yah 'kay? Ah…" but he didn't let her keep talking, as he grabbed her face between his bare hands, and kissed her, just like he had wanted to do for so long, and just the way he had dreamed about so many times. Rogue didn't fight him back; she was feeling something new this time, like something that was hidden inside her head was finally in plain view. She rapidly took off her gloves, and instinctively let her hands go to his neck; it was warm, and she felt some kind of relieve when her fingers felt the roughness of his badly shaved chin, like this was the way somebody was pinching her on the shoulder, so she could see she wasn't dreaming: it was actually happening. He kissed her many times on her forehead, her nose, cheeks, cheekbones, chin, and then caressed her neck with his lips, in kind of a desperate way, like trying to inhale every inch of her pale skin. She gasped for air, all her emotions running in every direction all over the place; he wasn't feeling any different from that, specially when he put his hands on her shoulders and slid down her sweater, letting her arms uncovered. He wasn't really thinking, he just wanted to kiss those shoulders of her, and…

"Rem…" she whispered, her heart beating a million miles per hour. He lifted his head to meet her eyes, and passed his fingers through her hair as he swallowed hard.

"Yeah?..." Rogue really didn't know what to say, but was so thankful when she saw a knowledge look on his eyes. "I'm sorry", he said, resting his forehead against hers. She smiled, and placed a light kiss on his lips. He continued: "I guess we've got a long time ahead of us for dat, but right now, I just wanna tell ya dat I love ya, like I never thought someone could love… Ya know my heart be yours; completely. Ya know dat, don't ya?" she nodded softly, and bit her lower lip before saying:

"Ah love yah too, Sugah… Ah do". He then smiled, and kissed her again a thousand times, thinking that he had to be the luckiest and happiest man on the planet.

A while later, maybe around midnight, they both were lying on her bed, embraced. Since she had her sweater off, he could gently caress her arms, her elbows, even her knuckles; everything was new for him, and he didn't want to miss anything. Her eyes had been closed for a while.

"…_Lying close to you feeling your heart beating  
and Im wondering what you're dreaming__,  
Wondering if it's me you're seeing…"._

He thought she looked so beautiful, so peaceful… he had never felt something so huge inside his heart, so he kissed her closed eyes, to make sure it was real.

"…_Then I kiss your eyes  
And thank God we're together.  
I just want to stay with you _

_in this moment forever,  
Forever and ever_…"

She opened them immediately.

"Hey, I thought ya were sleepin'".

"Nope; Ah was just thinkin' that… Ah'm so happy right now, Remy. Ah wanna stay like this forever. Can't we?" she asked, while wrapping her arms around him.

"Sure, chere… Forever".

"…_Don't want to close my eyes  
I don't want to fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you baby  
And I don't want to miss a thing.  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you baby  
And I don't want to miss a thing…"._

"All the X-Men, please go to my office. I repeat, go to my office as soon as possible"; they heard the Professor's voice inside their heads.

"Aghh, no…" she protested.

"What's goin' on now?".

"Ah don't know. Ah guess is that stupid thing about the government again".

"Let's not go, chere. Let's just stay here… forever" he asked, using his trade-mark begging expression.

"Mmm, no, Ah guess we gotta go. It won't take too long. We'll probably be back home tomorrow noon. An' then… we can continue testin' mah progresses in controllin' mah power. How 'bout dat?". He smirked:

"'kay chere. But gimme a kiss before we leave". She smiled, and kissed him, like it was the first time; like it was the last time.

"…_I don__'t want to miss one smile  
I don't want to miss one kiss,_

_I just want to be with you,  
Right here with you, just like this._

_I just want to hold you close  
and feel your heart so close to mine  
And just stay here in this moment  
For all the rest of time…"_

Note: Please, please, please… DROP ME A REVIEW! That was, of course, "I don't want to miss a thing", by Aerosmith. Now, this is the end of the backwards part. I was thinking of doing some kind of Epilogue, like Rogue's thoughts after the whole thing, maybe a year later or something. What do you think about that? Please tell me your opinions! They're so important to me:-) If there's no Epilogue, then the story is over, and thanks for reading it! But, hummm… this has got me so involved, that maybe I won't be able to avoid doing the epilogue.


	6. Dec 31: Who knew Epilogue

Epilogue: Who knew.

December 31st, 2007.

There was nobody else in the mansion, but her; they all had gone to watch the fireworks, and celebrate. Kitty asked her at least a hundred times to join them, but she was definitely not in the mood for that; Rogue hadn't know how it felt "to be in the mood" for something, for quite a while. She went down the kitchen to get something to eat, though she wasn't very hungry; she watched the clock on the wall, next to the refrigerator: 10:40 pm. She grabbed a package of pretzels. Everything was so silent around… at the beginning, she felt so scared when she was all alone in the house, but then she realized it gave her some kind of peace, like it was the only way she could be connected with the way she really felt, instead of pretending feeling better, just for everyone to leave her alone. Then, an idea appeared on mind; she had never gone there after what happened. Why should she go now? She knew she wouldn't feel any better, she would just probably start to cry again. She looked around, and realized that nobody could see her, so, what was wrong with crying or not? So she ran; ran, very fast, across the hallway, up the stairs, and then… another hallway; doors on both sides, and there she was: right in front of his bedroom's door. She could feel a shiver running down her spine, and instinctively put her left hand on her chest, right there, where she could feel the "bum bum, bum bum…", that meant there was life on her body; a life she was once about to loose. Maybe the door was locked, after all; maybe… but no; it was open, so she turned on the light, and came in.

Everything was just as she remembered it, as she had pictured in her head many times. Her vision started to get blurry, as tears showed up; she tried to restrain them, and sat on the bed; on the dark blue bed cover he had slept under so many times. Rogue herself had slept under it a couple of times: the day they met, and then another day… those memories made her smile a bit, but only for a single second. She looked around again.

"Wow… it feels like yah're just gonna come in, at any second" she dried the tears that were falling down her cheeks with her right sleeve. "But yah're not… Gawd… Rem… Ah fucking miss yah so much, damn it…" she cried, and let herself fall on the bed. "Ah need yah; Ah thought we could make it, yah know? Yah promised it…"

"…_You took my hand  
You showed me how  
You promised me  
You'd be around…"_

"Ah wanted to marry yah…" she said, while laughing ironically among tears. "Ah mean, Ah had thought that maybe some day… Yeah, Ah know it's really stupid, but Ah thought… that we were meant to be. Yah know?".

"…_Remember when  
We were such fools?  
And so convinced  
And just too cool…"_

"Ah miss… to be with yah, to argue with yah… Ah miss everythin' yah used to do, everything yah used to say, an' Ah just can't believe that all of that now just lives inside mah head, that it's never gonna happen again; never, Sugah… Ah can't understand it, Ah can't figure it out… Ah whole life that Ah've got to live, without yah?... It's insane… An' right when Ah gained control…"

_"…I wish I could touch you again…"_

"Sometimes Ah wish Ah'd have never gained it, so maybe yah wouldn't had done… what yah did".

"…_When someone said _

_count your blessings now  
'fore they're long gone  
I guess I just didn't know how  
I was all wrong  
They knew better  
Still you said forever  
And ever…"_

"Ah don't want any crappy control, if Ah don't have yah…".

Rogue stayed like that, looking at the ceiling for a while; at moments she felt that she was going to explode in tears again, but she achieved not to. The bedcover still smelled like him; she didn't know for sure if it was his perfume, or what, but it made her feel him near.

"Yah know, Ah've made a couple of decisions; Ah read that happens when yah go through life changing episodes, or something. Ah… Ah really don't wanna fight anymore; Ah don't wanna get trained, Ah don't wanna work out in the danger room. Ah don't wanna… expose mah life, an' maybe get killed; again, 'cause Ah'm trying to save some people, or maybe fightin' against other people. Nope; not anymore. Ah don't give a damn about humans-mutants, whatever… Ah just wanna… live mah life, 'cause… yah gave me your life, babe, an' it's not like Ah wanna go out an' go wild, no… Ah just wanna stay away from this, an' to have some normal little life. Yeah, just like that. If stayin' here in the mansion means that Ah've got to do all o' those things… then, Ah'm leavin'; yeah. Yah know, Ah got a job; it's in a toy's store, a couple of weeks ago; it was really crazy, with Christmas and stuff. But Ah'm savin' money, so Ah can leave this place, maybe in two or three months. Ah'm gonna get some small place to live, by mahself; Ah'm gonna go to work, Ah'm gonna have mah coffee every mornin', and go walk down the Central Park every time Ah can, an' watch the damn sky, an'…" she could hardly speak now. "An' Ah'm gonna think of yah every second of mah life; yah know that, don't yah?..."

"…_I'll keep you locked in my head  
Until we meet again…"_

"Sometimes Ah can't believe yah did this… Ah'd wish yah wouldn't have; maybe yah'd be going through the same thing that Ah am. Ah'd wish… Ah could sleep, an' do nothing but dreamin', over an' over again, 'bout that night we kissed".

"…_That last kiss  
I'll cherish  
Until we meet again…"_

"Yeah… maybe Ah could stay sleepin' here". She unmade the bed, and covered herself with the blue bed cover. She had a huge headache now, an' she just wanted to sleep, and closing her eyes, she could almost feel his breathe next to her. But no, it wasn't his breathe; it was his heart, beating, still giving her his life.

"…_But I keep_

_Your memory_

_You visit me in my sleep. _

_My darling…_

_Who knew?...". _

END.

Note: Wow, I'm crying like an idiot. But I'll cry even more if you don't review!! So please! Drop me a line, a word, a smirk, whatever!! Thanks so much for reading this. That was Pink's "Who knew". Love for everyone!


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